An early spring has me itching to plant the garden, but that just won’t do – the ground is still too wet and, let’s face it, there’s bound to be a round of really cold weather before our last frost date of April 15. So I’m browsing the seed catalogs even though I’ve already got all the seed I need (saved from last year), scouring gardening books for tips on controlling pests, and making notes on my calendar that shows me the moon phases and astrological signs.
Every old-timer gardener knows that you must plant by the signs if you want a bumper crop. While jotting reminders to ‘plant beans when the sign is in the arms’ and such as that, it occurred to me that the tips apply to all sorts of endeavors. For example, my calendar not only tells me when to plant but also the best time for setting eggs and castrating animals.
If it worked for generations of farmers, surely it will work for writers. Yes? Here’s my interpretation, then, of How to Write by the Signs.
Begin your novel during the first and second quarters of the moon (from new to full moon.) This is a time of light and expansion, when your brain should be more creative and open to clever ideas that float around the universe. The third and fourth quarters, however, are a time of diminishing energy, contraction, and compaction. During this time, it’s best to weed, till, or revise your work. Uproot the scenes that aren’t working and prune the extraneous words.
Writing, like planting, is best done during the fruitful signs, but each sign has its own special characteristics, so pay attention.
- Cancer: It’s the most fruitful of all the signs and guarantees production and abundance. Take every minute of this time to write. Your word count should grow like mad. Cancer is also a time for grafting, so if plagiarism is your plan, this is the best time for it.
- Scorpio is a time of vine growth, so develop your sub-plots now. As it happens, Scorpio rules the genitals and would therefore be the ideal time to write your erotic novel.
- Pisces rules the feet and encourages root growth. This would seem to be the best time for writing deep, profound, James Joycian-literature.
- Taurus encourages quick growth and creation, and rules the throat. Seems to me it would be wise to write short stories and develop your storytelling skills during this time.
- Capricorn, which rules the knees, is a time of constraint, barren ground, blocks and barriers. Obviously you’re going to spend these days staring at a blank page and kneeling to beg your favorite deity for an idea, any idea. But it is still a fruitful sign – it just happens to bless the growth of pulp and possibly pulp fiction.
- Libra rules the kidneys and encourages seeds to sprout. It’s also a sign of beauty, so plant your flower seeds and write your flowery prose under this sign.
- Virgo, though feminine, is a barren sign. If you plant now, you’ll get lots of showy foliage but no real production. You can tell Virgo is at work when you sit at the keyboard but spend all day checking Facebook and Twitter. Perhaps you’d like to organize your office during this sign’s prominence.
And now we come to the barren signs. Don’t even think about writing when the moon is in
- Aquarius, which rules the legs. It’s a time of abnormalities, alienation, and rejection, so don’t send out queries when Aquarius is control.
- Sagittarius, which rules the thighs and produces flabbiness and gluttony. Take advantage of these special days to hit the bookstore and load up on new reads. It’ll satisfy your gluttonous spirit and help work off those thighs.
- Aries, which rules the head, is ruled by Mars and will be filled with arguments, discord, and butchers. Could there be any clearer indication that this is when your editor will butcher your work and bicker with you about it?
- Leo which rules the heart but is a seriously barren sign. Don’t plant anything or write anything when the moon is in Leo. Take advantage of the heart energy to do some public appearances (you’ll love your audience) or to reconnect with your spouse and family. Let the heart do its work where it counts, instead of trying to convince yourself that you love plot tangles.
- Gemini, the sign of the twins, which rules the arms. It’s a barren sign but old-timers swear it’s best for planting corn and beans. For writers, it would likely be a good time to write corny humor or mysteries involving the Evil Twin scenario.
Fishing is best during the water signs of Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio, so send your queries when the moon is in these signs.
And there you have it – the antsy gardener’s guide to writing success. Let me know how it works for you.
