Domestic violence – why does she stay?

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. You’d think with all the stories in the news about intimate partners killing each other that we wouldn’t need any more awareness. And yet….

A lot of people do know the problem exists, but there are so many myths and misunderstandings surrounding domestic violence that the real answers get lost. (Let me point out that both women and men are victims of domestic violence. The thing is, the great majority of victims are women and so we use the feminine pronoun. It’s simpler, but it is certainly not intended to exclude men.)

Instead of asking Why doesn’t she leave?, the question we should be asking is Why doesn’t HE leave? As has been pointed out many times, until we hold the abuser responsible for his crime, no progress will be made.

But if you insist on knowing why she stays with him in spite of the injuries to her body, to her mind, to her soul, here’s the short version:

  • She has nowhere else to go
  • She has no money, no job, and no way to support herself and her children
  • She fears he will take her children
  • She has no support from family, friends, or church
  • She believes she is over reacting to the violence
  • She can’t believe that the man she loves would really hurt her
  • She believes his apologies and his promises that it won’t happen again
  • She believes his excuse that drugs and/or alcohol make him violent 
  • She believes his excuse that he loves her so much he just can’t help hitting her

All of these are very real and very good reasons in the mind of a victim of domestic violence for staying put. Her feelings and her situation are far more complicated than any outsider can understand or than she can explain.

There’s one very simple and understandable reason that she stays: Victims of domestic violence are far more likely to be killed after leaving the situation.

Domestic violence is about power and control. When an abuser senses that he has lost control of his victim, that his power is waning — that is, when she takes charge of her own life and leaves the violence behind– the abuser gets scared, angry, desperate. That’s when he presents the greatest danger to his victim.

It is pointless and heartless to ask why a victim doesn’t stop being a victim. Instead, let’s all ask How can I help?

Posted in Domestic violence | 2 Comments

It’s October — is it violence?

“I wouldn’t put up with a man who hits me.” I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard that. The speaker always seems to assume that victims of domestic violence say hello to a man for the first time, get whacked in the face, and hang around hoping for more abuse.

Domestic violence is considerably more complicated than that. It’s also a lot harder to spot than many think. On this first day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, please take a moment to read my earlier post When is it domestic violence?

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October 1 is Peaceful Purple Day

October is upon us and that means that domestic violence prevention programs all over the country are gearing up for a major awareness campaign.

Want to help get the word out that victims have a safe place to go? That abuse is not normal nor acceptable? Here’s a replay from one of my earlier posts that might interest you: October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

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It takes a garden to feed a village

A while back, The Outlaw Farmer asked: Is it possible to feed the world on locally, sustainably grown vegetables without the use of insecticides and chemical fertilizers? Could the earth produce enough “organic” plants to feed 6.92 billion people?

For almost all of human existence, family farms fed the world as a matter of course. Times have changed, though; the population has exploded, fewer households grow their own food. Is it possible to grow enough food to feed the nearly 7 billion people on this planet using sustainable practices?

The answer is yes, but… drastic and immediate change of strategy and perception is required.

The World Watch Institute, a non-profit agency dedicated to promoting an environmentally sustainable society, focused its 2011 State of the World report on the problem of hunger and innovative solutions to solve that problem. In the foreword, Olivier De Schutter writes:

“We live in a world in which we produce more food than ever before and in which the hungry have never been as many.” As it turns out, we are quite adept at producing food, but our delivery system fails on a grand scale.

What happens to that glorious abundance of food? Jonathan Bloom author of American Wasteland, reports that “Americans waste more than 40 percent of the food we produce for consumption.” It’s tossed out because it isn’t perfectly round or perfectly red, much of it rots in storage while waiting to be delivered to hungry people, or it rots during transport across continents and oceans. The obvious course correction is to return to a local-food system; in other words, eat it where it’s grown.

State of the World 2011 reports on a number of strategies aimed at eliminating hunger through just this sort of local strategy. The One Acre Fund, founded in 2006, provides rural farmers in Kenya and Rwanda with resources to help them grow enough food to feed their families with surplus to sell. “After one growing season, Kenyan farmer Lydia Musila sold enough beans to build herself a new house.” Others sent children to school, purchased livestock, and increased the ability for local growers to become self-reliant.

In Kenya, produce grown by students in school gardens is used for school meals while any surplus is made available for local families. These gardens not only produce healthy and fresh food, but contribute to the success of communities in a myriad of ways: knowledge of gardening skills is passed on to younger generations, awareness of local food is encouraged, entire communities learn sustainable use of soil, and everyone gains respect for the environment.

But what about urban areas? Can growing a tomato plant on a balcony or in a postage stamp-size yard really make a difference in the fight against hunger? In Africa and Asia, surveys have shown that people involved in growing at least some of their own food ate more meals and had more balanced diets. According to State of the World 2011, “Children in farming households were better nourished than those in non-farming households….” And “By growing their own food, city dwellers gain an important source of employment and income that can be spent on school fees, clothes, and household necessities.” It’s estimated that approximately 800 million people are producing 15-20% of the world’s food.

Some of us grew up with the admonition to clean our plates because children in third world countries were starving, and we wondered how eating lima beans in Illinois or Montana made anything better for kids in countries on the far side of the world. What our mothers really meant was Don’t waste that food; you’re lucky to eat three meals a day because lots of people don’t even eat once a day. As it turns out, the lesson still waits to be learned.

We know the current system does not work. We have examples like Kenya to prove that locally grown crops and sustainable practices can feed the village as well as support a healthy local economy. How long do we have to watch failure before we change course? What can we do to transition to a sustainable and workable system of food delivery?

• Break it down to the basic unit — the village, the community, the neighborhood, the backyard.
• Recognize that there is an abundance of food; we don’t need more factory farms or genetically modified organisms; we need more efficient distribution and recognition of of the importance of nutrients over calories.
• Recognize that nothing is more efficient than eating it where it’s grown
• Eliminate spoilage and waste by going local
• Return to traditional organic methods, plus innovation sustainable practices like permaculture and microfarming
• Use biodiversity as insurance against blight
• Remember that smaller amounts of nutrient-dense food nourishes and fills better than excessive consumption of artificial fillers
• Recognize that a significant percentage of food cost is transportation
• Remember that soil is the foundation

Posted in 100 Mile Diet, Food, Gardening, Health | Leave a comment

Judging pigs and judging pies


It’s time! Our county fair starts this week and in a burst of uncalled-for energy, I’ve decided that I simply must enter as many categories as I possibly can.

“What is she talking about?” you city folks ask.

The annual fair is a cornerstone of small town and country life. There’s always the Midway — that long stretch of property filled with roller coasters and other rides that bring you to the brink of adrenaline depletion as well as games of chance and all manner of food that no one should put into their bodies — cotton candy (yum!) and the delights of the year such as deep-fried Kool Aid.

Over in the ag area, you’ll find pigs and cows and goats and chickens. FFA and 4H students raise these animals from infancy and enter them in the fair hoping to win the blue ribbon. (You remember Charlotte’s Web, right? Think ‘Wilber.’)

And then there are the domestic entries, which is where I’m placing my hopes. Categories range from arts and crafts to knitting and sewing, from baked goods to houseplants, from eggs to giant pumpkins.

I’ve got my goods lined up on the table in my office — a crocheted lavender vest, a daffodil yellow crocheted baby sweater and cap, jams and jellies, pickled okra, handmade jewelry. At the last minute, I’ll gather the most perfect peas and okra from my garden, the ideal eggs from the chicken coop, and I’ll bake a cake. Once I’ve delivered them to the fairgrounds, I can only sit back and hope that the judges are sufficiently impressed to award me a ribbon. I don’t even care whether it’s blue, just please don’t let me embarrass myself!

Provided that my domestic arts receive good marks at the fair, I’ll donate them to a United Way fundraiser that’s coming up in a few weeks where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidder. (Not the cake, of course.)

So wish me luck, please. If you’re in the area, drop by the exhibits and see how I did. If you notice that I don’t have any ribbons, feel free to grumble loudly about the injustice of it all.

Posted in Down on the farm, Small town life | 2 Comments

30 food activisim tips from Gigi Stafne

There’s a thought provoking article in the July/August 2011 issue of Countryside Magazine by Gigi Stafne. (Stafne is an yerbalista wilder and borderlands woman with years of experience in the field of natural and botanical medicine.)

Her article, entitled “Homeland Food Insecurity and Down-to-the-ground Food Activism” came along  just as I was wrapping up my month of local eating, and it is an excellent summation of the food and nutrition issues we face.  If you can get your hands on a copy of this issue, I urge you to read the entire article.

A sidebar contains Stafne’s “30 Ways To Get Involved in the Ground Foodie Movement”, and with her kind permission, I’m including that here:

  • Buy from organic farms
  • Purchase food shares, join a CSA
  • Get active with a local food co-op
  • Visit and support farmers markets
  • Eat whole foods & local produce
  • Shop for value-added products
  • Donate healthy food to the Food Pantry
  • Serve up meals at Community Kitchens
  • Transform the menu to include local food and organics
  • Schools, colleges, nursing homes, employer food services
  • Eat out at locavore food establishments
  • Host events with local organic caterers
  • Read what food bloogers are saying
  • Transform your backyard: food not lawns
  • Grow anarchist plots: guerilla garden
  • Restore native plants
  • Grow a medicinal herb garden
  • Take a wild edibles or weed wealk with the local herbalist
  • Volunteer to co-create gardens with kids
  • Shop local, grow community economy
  • Save seeds (heirloom, non-GMO, native)
  • Preserve culturally diverse heritages & traditions
  • Be active in the small farm revival
  • Support biodiversity, organics, permaculture, biomimicry projects
  • Support urban agriculture
  • Volunteer at a prison garden
  • Build raised beds for elderly neighbors
  • Become a wild forager!
  • Ensure egalitarian access to whole foods
  • Join a food justice organization
Posted in Food, Gardening, Health, The path of sanity - simple, green, compassionate living | Leave a comment

Earn karma credit the fun and easy way

I’ve been a member of my local Humane Society for several years but never went beyond sending them checks. A few months ago I decided that I’d really like to help out at the Waverly Animal Shelter, and now I show up there once a week to clean litter boxes, walk dogs, pet cats, scrub floors — whatever they need.

It’s gone well. I haven’t adopted a single critter, largely because I know  this is an excellent shelter that will do whatever it takes to find good homes for the animals. None of that ‘three days and they’re sent to the farm’ stuff around here, no sirree. The animals stay as long as they reasonably can (some stay for months!) and many of them move on to rescue groups where they are adopted by loving families. This week, in fact, the shelter staff received a pic of one of their former dogs enjoying a cruise on his yacht!

Every time I go there, I learn something new. I’ve learned that there are two different kinds of mange, that nursing mama cats will happily take on a motherless 2-week-old kitten, and I’ve learned that some people think it is appropriate to drive around with a dog in the car trunk.

This week I decided that I can be trusted to foster animals. That just means taking a shelter animal to my home for a few days to give it a break from the shelter and to help it gain socialization skills with different humans and other animals.

See that adorable face in the pic? That’s one of the triplets who are visiting me this weekend. They’re four months old and totally laid back. I’m calling them Bashful, Sleepy, and Chubby  but when they go to their new adoptive homes they’ll probably receive new names. I’m sure they don’t care what they’re called; as I said, they’re laid back.

I’ll bet you’ve often thought that you’d like to help those sweet babies at the animal shelter but you just don’t have room for a new dog or you’re not home enough to care for an animal or the cat you already have is too old to accept a new step-sibling.

But have you considered fostering? Have you considered donating food to your local shelter? Have you considered volunteering to walk dogs and play with kittens at the shelter?

See? The title of this post is not just pretty words to lure you in. You really can improve your karma while having fun and doing something you enjoy. If you decide to give it a try, please share your stories here.

Posted in The path of sanity - simple, green, compassionate living | 2 Comments