A comment on an earlier post mentioned that abusers will turn sweet and loving — but only until the victim returns to the relationship. After that, it starts all over again. This is known as the Cycle of Violence, a repeating loop of abusive behavior that contributes to trapping victims.
Here’s what the Women Are Safe website says about this:
The cycle of violence is a recurring behavioral pattern where the offender swings between affectionate, remorseful, calm, and periods of tense demands culminating in violence.
- Tension starts
- Tension escalates
- Assault
- Honeymoon stage
The more times the cycle is completed, the less time it takes to complete. Furthermore, as the cycle is repeated, the violence usually increases in frequency and severity.After a violent episode, the offender may be genuinely sorry for what he has done. He may regret and feel ashamed of his behavior.
Often his worst fear is that his partner will leave him, so he may try as hard as he can to make up for his behavior. He may promise never to hurt her again. This means that following even severe or chronic abuse, the offender may be very penitent and determined to change.
This is what the victim hopes for. However, observers of this pattern note that the honeymoon is all too temporary.
The sad truth is, it only gets worse each time the victim returns.
It also gets more dangerous, as the abuser gets better at manipulating the victim.
Support groups and individual counseling provided by domestic violence shelter programs can help victims learn to understand the dynamics of this crime, and learn to better avoid falling back into the trap. It’s also important for those who are not primary victims to learn these things, too.
Most DV programs offer community educations presentations. Please contact your local program and ask if they can speak to your club, church group, or workplace. Knowledge is power.
